Our regular meet up group for creative Mothers is aimed at supporting and nurturing creativity in all shapes and forms. Mothers Who Make is a monthly networking event where bringing your children along is actively encouraged. To find out more, we invited one of our members Hannah Dalby to discuss her experiences dealing with the ebb and flow of working in a creative field…
Lethargy and the art of kindness and gentleness towards yourself and the world.
I have been in a slightly peculiar place since before Christmas. As most creatives will be familiar with I had a run on energy where every project was great and I was great and the driving force behind loads of new and exciting things happening and then illness struck. To be honest, even if illness didn’t strike both the exhausting events of 2016 and the amount of energy I threw at “creativity” generally would never have lasted more than a few months anyway. But suddenly with an illness debilitating my every day running of my (and of course my daughter’s) life any thought of creativity made me literally baulk; but there was a new feeling mixed in that I have not experienced before in creative ebbs. It was an utter lethargy; a complete disinterest in anything creative. The cynical (and overtired) part of me took over and with the deaths of major icons and influences in my life; a political system in complete disarray (both here and abroad) and numerous humanitarian crises all over the world I bowed under the pressure and slumped into despair. I even spent about a month trying to write this blog but all I could do was collate thoughts and feelings I had had over the two years of my daughter’s life and try and compile them but they just read as some moany mum riling against the injustices of her personal situation and would have probably engaged one other soul that had suffered similar problems but to everyone else even reading it would have been a waste of effort.
Whilst in the slump (still not fully clawed out of it yet) I made sure that each day I practiced kindness and gentleness with myself and the situation I found myself in. With none-judgemental eyes I would accept where I was when I woke up in the morning and although it could be frustrating I accepted that frustration was not a useful tool for moving forward and just sat with where I was. Please don’t mistake this concept as some kind of “new age hippy bullshit” (not my words; the words “kindly” spoken by a friend!) This was not a dismissal of my situation or a way of letting myself get away with bad behaviour it was simply the only way I would be able to move forward. It allowed me the time not to worry about where I was and instead gave me the opportunity to find the bits of the day that showed any light (obviously having a 2 year old there were many, many moments every day full of happiness) I just had to be gentle enough with myself to allow myself the eyes to see it. If I felt myself drawn into negative thinking I would just focus on what was actually happening around me in the present moment and that would allow me to get through the day; this sometimes meant cutting off slightly from the world news stage as the inundation of death and destruction was just too much to take (not something I regularly do I must say as I believe we should stay informed and engaged with all aspects of the world!).
You might be asking yourself what any of this has to do with making… you aren’t alone as I am asking myself the same question. I think what I am trying to articulate is that creativity is precious and transient. You will be inspired and engaged in creativity and have fantastic energy to promote/develop/perform/make/write (whatever it is you do) but there will be other times (and from my experience they are definitely more frequent since having my little one) when you are completely devoid of inspiration. Sit with it; and if you listen hard enough to the utter silence of your creativity you might surprise yourself with what comes out.
Being a parent is utterly brilliant and exhausting at the same time. That alone is a full time job that takes your heart and soul and doesn’t let them go. Is it any wonder then that when you (or others) are demanding more and more that sometimes you feel you have nothing more to give?
Want to know more about Mothers Who Make? Our next session is on Mon 13 Feb.
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